Published
Things have been quiet around here. I’m mostly just posting to Instagram, so keep in touch with us over there. I’ve been spending all of my time focused on our new baby, B and my husband, who is on paternity leave. I’m also hyper-focused on myself and my health to ensure that I handle any tough postpartum stuff before it gets out of control.
I’ve mentioned before, but have never fully shared my Postpartum Depression experience with our first baby. Without going into a ton of detail, I sobbed every day for nearly two months and had a hard time for another eight after that. This time, I planned in every way possible to avoid it, but also had a second plan for if I experienced it again. We had very actionable steps to take depending on how things were going. I’ve been lucky so far that I am doing remarkably well. So well, in fact, that I’m happy. Not just “getting by” or not experiencing PPD, I’m truly enjoying life.
I am SO in love with both of my boys. My husband and I both had this massive amount of love exploding in our hearts for Bodhi after Ezra was born too. We knew that our hearts would just grow to include Ezra, or so we were told, but the surprise was that our love doubled for Bodhi too. Adding to our family has been an amazing experience for both of us. I find myself more patient than I was before most of the time. Obviously, a preschool age child can push some buttons, but we are doing really well.
We haven’t done much. We’re home most of the time, but I’ve realized that with B, I simply tried to do too much too soon. My expectations of life after baby were not realistic with him.
Having a beautiful labor and delivery experience, realistic expectations about life with a baby, my husband home and finally, taking really good care of myself physically has helped me to have a much more pleasant postpartum experience this time around. I have asked my husband for help when I need a nap after a long sleepless night. I am taking some vitamins that have some evidence for helping with mood and postpartum healing. I’m allowing myself to have a full cup of coffee. I denied that to myself after Bodhi. I would let myself have a half a cup at most to avoid fussiness from breastfeeding
While I experienced a very weepy “baby blues” type of day on day five postpartum, I have mostly been in really good spirits, something I simply could not say about my postpartum experience after the birth of Bodhi. There was nothing I wanted more after Bodhi than to feel joyful, but it just didn’t come for a long time. This time, I am splitting my time more between two children, but I am having amazing moments with both Bodhi and baby Ezra.
The first four days, I found myself crying tears of joy frequently. I think I was relieved not to experience the baby blues immediately like I did last time. Day five threw me off, admittedly. I found myself going down the black hole of “what ifs” and “this must mean” assuming I was definitely going to have severe postpartum depression within days. Now, three weeks postpartum, I have had some tears, but mostly, I am very content and filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and peace and love for my family.
The piles of laundry make me a bit crazy, but we find we can catch up on that within a day if we try. The dishes have also piled up a bit, but my mother-in-law frequently comes over to make that a non-issue. Do you see a pattern here? I’m letting things go and I’m accepting help.
Ezra has been a fairly content baby. He does hate the carseat but we bought a new one and have seen some improvement. I’ll be sure to share that experience here soon for any other parents with carseat haters.
Love and peace,
A sleep-deprived, but love-filled wife and mama of two
Photo by Leah Fontaine Photography.
p.s. If you or a loved one are experiencing a Perinatal Mood Disorder, there is help. I went without help with my first child and it lasted much longer than it needed to. Please visit Postpartum Support International to find help in your area. If you are local to the Twin Cities, feel free to email me and I’m happy to share a few resources I’m aware of here.
You are a wonderful mother and you seem more relaxed this time around!! It was great to see you this past weekend. You look amazing!! Love You Tons!!
Much more relaxed, without a doubt, but simply much less sad too. Love you lots!
So glad that this time around is better! It is so wonderful to be able to take the time to enjoy your family growing together!
It sure is. So thankful it’s a better experience!
Good for you Jessica, this is great to hear! I am so happy you can enjoy these new moments as a family of 4. It is SO HARD to do exactly what you are doing…. letting go and accepting help. This should be a daily reminder for ALL mama’s out there {I need to tell myself that daily!} and I hope you can continue to do this as the months go on. Congratulations again on your beautiful family! Xo
Thanks Ann! It is really hard, but it has been wonderful and a good lesson in letting go for sure. When letting go yields joy, it is quite motivating to actual do it more regularly. Thanks again for the comment and love!
Thank you SO much for sharing your experience. I think that it’s a topic that most mamas don’t want to share about or don’t know how to talk about it, but so many suffer from so many ups & downs. You are a brave & courageous woman!
I still haven’t shared my PPD story and feel the need to do it at some point. One thing that got me through was reading stories of other moms who made it through. I need to get more courage and share the good and the bad. It’s coming soon. I just need to find the right words and the time to get them all down. Thanks so much Gillian!
Beautiful post, Jes! I’m so happy you are happy! I find irony in planning not to have your day planned and just simply be. When I was on maternity leave I struggled if I wasn’t showing daily accomplishments, i.e. Laundry. I could take a few pointers from you for next time!
Thanks so much Leah! To be clear, I didn’t necessarily plan to let go. My plan was actually really specific things to do, but letting go has been awesome! And unexpected. Let’s do happy hour soon so we can chat. Hugs lady!
Lots of love! Thanks for sharing your experience. Sounds like you are having a wonderful time with the boys. Can’t wait to see you 4 again!! Hopefully soon. Hugs from the Scott’s!
It’s been lovely! So lovely! Thanks friend!
Thank you so much for sharing. I struggled with PPD after I had Aidan and ultimately started taking medication and seeing a therapist to pull myself out. Like you, I prepared for the worst with Nolan and while I had some of the typical baby blues, the second time was much easier. I wonder of part of it is simply knowing what to expect and also letting yourself off the hook, as you mentioned. Take it a day at a time and soak up as much joy as you can. I’m really happy for you!
I had no idea Erin! I would’ve loved to chat with you after B was born. Going back to work was good and bad for me and I struggled for a long time. Glad to hear you had a better experience the second time as well.
You are one amazing woman, wife and mama. Congratulations again. As a mother of two boys around the same age as yours, I know what it’s like for your heart to explode not only for your newest addition, but for the your oldest son as well. It’s amazing to step back and look at your life, seeing it all unfold and soaking it all in. :) Enjoy this magical time together, especially while J is still on his paternity leave! ;) Love and hugs to you all!
Thanks so much Christine! Yes, it was very recent for you, so I’m sure you can relate fully. Jamal goes back to work Monday and that is definitely something I’m dreading. Trying to take it one day at a time though. Hugs to you!
Glad everything is going well! Can’t wait to see you guys and meet Ezra!
Soon I hope! :)
Jessica–I have been loving looking at your beautiful little family and I am thrilled to hear that things are going to well. He is beautiful. (and what a handsome big brother). I also struggled with pp depression after my first. It was so dark–I have vowed to never go there again! It was fun to see you have your little boy, since we both found out we were pregnant at Bloggy Bootcamp. I had a little boy too–and all is going so well. It would be fun for our boys to meet in real life some time…until then!