Published
Friends, having children has turned my type A personality into a big ball of stressful to-do lists in my mind, on my phone and on paper. Yuck! I’m always trying to stay ahead for our household and sometimes I fail. When I’m constantly strategizing or thinking of what’s next, I simply don’t enjoy life as much. I don’t get as much good time with my babies and my to-do lists steal my joy.
I’ve recently made a few simple changes to help me to stay in the moment with my children to enjoy life more and stress less. They deserve it. I deserve it.
Mornings
The situation: Mornings are tough. Juggling Ezra and B, making lunch for preschool, packing a nap bag, getting extra clothes and now all the winter gear, I’m often bouncing around like a mad woman and we usually forget at least one thing.
The changes: We wake up a bit earlier and stick to a morning routine that works for everyone. Ezra plays by himself for the first 10 minutes so I can chat with Bodhi and give him some time. Then after Bodhi eats breakfast, I dress him fully right away. We found that the getting dressed part of the morning was the biggest struggle, but when we do it right away, everything is more smooth. We also found that the moment my husband or I expressed frustration or commented on time-how we need to hurry, how we only have a few minutes etc… Bodhi immediately melted down. We’ve stopped doing that even when we know we are running late. He cooperates much better because he’s not feeling pressure. I enjoy a cup of coffee or two with my boys and always have the fireplace on to make it feel warm. Now the morning rut/rush has turned into a busy but fun time for all of us.
Mindset
The situation: I’m a planner and when I make up my mind about how something should go, I tend to get stressed, frazzled or irritated when it doesn’t happen. Two kids have changed this for me after a few big “getting out of the house” fails. I will sometimes be late with two kids and even though some of that is predictable/avoidable, most of it is not.
The changes: I’ve accepted that we will be late sometimes. I’ve kept my cool and learned to go with the flow. I’ve changed my mindset from “we have to get out of here by insert any specific time” to “let’s enjoy this getting ready time together.” My husband was a huge force in helping me to observe my rising frustration during these situations and helping me to remember that the getting ready time is still family time even though I tend to make it stressful. It doesn’t have to be stressful. There are tickles and silly stories and jokes and laughter that happen and it’s great!
Preparation
The situation: I’m always packing up to get us out of the house. I’m restocking the diaper bag, grabbing snacks and extra clothes, running around to find the baby carrier and more.
The changes: I leave one of my two diaper bags in the car with extra clothes for both boys, plenty of diapers and wipes, snacks and a bottle of water for B and I so we are never in a bind and I’m not always dealing with the diaper bag. I simply remove the diaper bag when supplies are running low and restock.
Letting things go (also known as being kind to myself)
The situation: Sometimes I completely forget things, forget to text people back, forget to email people back, forget work deadlines even though they are on my editorial calendar, don’t make it to yoga or a meeting at B’s school or have to cancel play dates. It happens often enough and I sometimes make myself feel terrible about it.
The changes: Let it go. Simply letting it go is everything. I have surrounded myself with friends who are incredibly understanding and forgiving. I have many long-time friends who are still close friends, plus several new female friends in my life thanks to our children being friends and they are all the most incredible supportive women. I am SO grateful for people who can understand and let it go too. If I have to cancel with one of them, they understand completely and are just ready to schedule again soon. Let’s all give ourselves a big huge dose of kindness. Ok?! Promise?
Awe… I already feel better sharing these changes because they are reminders of how far I’ve come since Ezra was born. Have a lovely day, friends!
p.s. Be sure to enter to win some adorable leggings over on our Instagram before noon CST today!
These are all such great reminders! I’ve got the same problems (total Type A) with only one kid so far, so this is super helpful for the future! ;) It’s amazing how motherhood helps open up our perspective and helps us prioritize what’s most important! You expressed it beautifully! xo
So glad you found it helpful Ashley! It sure does change our perspective and priorities and as much as it can feel really hard sometimes, it is an incredible way to learn to live for what matters and forget the rest! Hugs to you!
I totally hear you on this. Getting ready to go somewhere is the most stressful part of being a family. I’m getting better. And I mean “I’m”. In my case it is all me. I do have to lay down ground rules in our early morning routine. There may be time for them to take out a game to play, but they will not want to be torn from it when it’s time to go. I do find that telling them in advance how our morning will go, is better. My point is you are not alone!! Best of luck.
Thanks for sharing that you too experience this. I agree that preparing kids, especially toddler and preschool age kids helps. B does much better because he knows our very solid routine. Thanks for your great comment!
Jessica: this post could not have come at a better time. Just this week I forgot a meeting at Miles’ school and he went to school without shoes and “had to wear my boots ALL DAY!!” With this new business and new routines at home I sometimes feel like everything is out of control and I HATE forgetting things. I really do need to just take a minute and relax. People understand. And if they don’t, oh well. :)
Thanks for all your insights–they are appreciated and helped me be less hard on myself today. :)
Oh Jenn! I bet you’re doing an awesome job! But mistakes happen and you should totally forgive yourself and enjoy life. Hugs to you! p.s. I miss having you in our neighborhood.
Thanks for this post Jessica! Just this week I’ve been thinking about many of these same things. In fact, the last two days I haven’t been very good about saying no at work when someone comes to my desk right before I’m supposed to leave and pick Caleb up. It’s stressing me out big-time and I’m not being a very good wife/mom because of it. It’s a ripple effect…I get stressed because I’m not doing everything at work, and then I feel like I’m also not doing enough as a mom, and then I take it all out on my husband. I’m trying to do everything for everyone, and I need to work on letting stuff go too. Today I’m committed to getting out of here on time and letting the work go if it’s not done.
Oh lady! You are in such a tough spot right now finding the balance with your new normal. I bet you’re doing better than you think. Truly. I’ll be sending good vibes your way!
Great post! Life with kids can definitely be a challenge, especially for those of us who like to be in control!
It’s definitely a challenge but also such a learning opportunity. Thanks for the comment!
Great post, Jessica! I can totally relate and appreciate your insights.
Thanks for your comment Leah!
This is a great post! It’s nice to know that I am not the only one that needs a little help.