Published
I may have anywhere from five minutes to three hours to write this post. Ezra is finally sleeping for longer than 20 minutes after some sleep regression this past week. I mentioned it a bit more in yesterday’s post.
I’ve been wanting to share my thoughts on expectations for a few weeks. For the first time in my life, my expectations of how things should go are low. I’ve had a baby before and I know that very little will be “accomplished” each day, yet SO much will get done (diapers, feedings, cuddles, rocking to sleep and more). My to-do list will always be three typed single-spaced pages long (or at least until Ezra turns two). And I’m ok with this. That’s a lie. It’s a struggle. Every. Single. Day. But I know it’s the reality and I will eventually come to terms with it.
With Bodhi I honestly thought that getting things done around the house, for work, and even huge projects that we couldn’t even accomplish without a baby would happen because I was on maternity leave. I thought maternity leave basically meant a long vacation from work in the company of a sweet, adorable, cuddly, quiet and sleepy baby.
I was wrong.
There are four household chores I focus on now. Laundry. Dishes. Garbages. Keeping toys picked up. If I did more or thought I could do more, I would fail. But this is manageable for me. Not every day, but most days. So, recently when we got all of these things done, plus the floor swept, our room tidied and this awesome swing hung in our new basement play area, I was thrilled! I could’ve easily said, “yes, but we didn’t get a, b, and c done.” That’s how I used to roll.
Nope. With low expectations, all of those other things are a bonus. The fact that Bodhi and I went shopping alone (without Ezra) for a gift for my husband for his first day on the new job was also a bonus. I felt nothing but joy about that. I didn’t feel that need to rush off and try to accomplish one more errand. Just that one was all I needed because it was a bonus. After all, the garbages were taken out (this isn’t daily—more like every four days), the dishes were done, we were caught up on laundry (ok, not really, but enough to get through another day—you know-the necessities) and there aren’t toys on our floor. Yes, the counters could use a deep clean, our tables aren’t exactly spotless and there is cat hair on our sofa (the list could go on) but we accomplished what we needed to and made time for what truly matters. Our family. Playing. Joy. Peace. TOTAL SUCCESS! WE ARE AMAZING!
It’s a celebration!
And when Saturday we were able to get out with friends to the Minnesota State Fair, I was overjoyed by the fact that we were nearly on time, not disappointed that we were 35 minutes late. Lower your expectations, friends! Be kind to yourself too. OK?! Promise? This goes for you friends with no children too. I was way too hard on myself long before Bodhi was born. Having kids just made it a bit more complicated.
Right now as the baby begins moving around after a shorter than I would like nap, I am ok with it. I did just write a few paragraphs. SUCCESS!
p.s. In case you didn’t notice, I slyly shared some messy images of our house that are still beautiful because they are real life and because Leah Fontaine is amazing!
Hi Jessica,
this post was really good for me to read today. I’m at a totally different stage of life from you right now but the principles are so true for me just like for you. I had major surgery to remove a cancerous tumor on my kidney. Everything went well! But everyday I feel like I should be bouncing back quicker and accomplishing something. Today I will change my expectations!
Pam
Pam, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m so sorry to hear about your tumor on your kidney and your surgery. I can imagine that not only was the surgery incredibly difficult, but the diagnosis had to be hard to deal with as well. Yes, please give yourself not only permission to take it easy, but tell yourself it’s your JOB to take care of you first right now. It truly is. Big hugs to you!
Such a great post Jessica! Babies grow so fast, and it’s so important to think this way. It’s too easy to look at the stuff you have to do, and forget to focus on what you need to do which is always spend time with your family.
Yes Amber! I actually just made a big decision I need to share with you soon! :)
Such a great perspective to keep in mind, thanks for sharing!
I LOVE this post!! So perfectly put! You’re doing wonderfully, Mama!! Catch up soon? xoxo
Oh yes! I want to chat about your rebrand!
I needed to read this right now. I expect so much out life and often feel disappointed because I don’t get as much done. I feel defeated. I think I need to rethink how I look at life.
So true Jessica! What a great perspective to have. I need to refocus my thinking as well. Even with two older kids, I’m still really hard on myself when I can’t get it all done. But I really need to remember to enjoy what we are doing and the memories we are creating. The house will get clean eventually, but they are only this age once!
Yes! Any age! Life is way more important than a clean house!