Published
I have been thinking about sharing my postpartum experience with you for some time now (like more than a year) and decided a while back that I want to. I have waited for several months because I’m working on getting together some solid resources for those moms out there who may be reading this and need help rather than simply posting my experience. It may only help one person out there and the rest of you may not appreciate it, but for the one it might help, it’s worth it to me.
Even after I was feeling much better, Lara’s story was still really comforting to me. I have become very passionate about sharing my experience—not to scare my friends (which I do worry about), but to be sure that everyone knows I was there and if they too experience it, they know someone who they could talk to or simply know they aren’t alone.
While I love sharing all kinds of pretty stuff here, I also feel passionate about being real, sharing life and helping others if I can. I was once, not too long ago, in a very dark place and now know that things get better. It’s not all rainbows, spray paint, pretty fabrics and play dates over here, my friends. So here I am with my very first post even touching on it, but I have several things planned in the not-so-distant future.
I recently read “Down came the rain” by Brooke Shields. It chronicles the actress’s experience with severe postpartum depression. I wanted to read how another mother talks about it before working on my own story. I took notes throughout my experience and wrote blog posts (and kept them in draft form) that at the time I thought I would publish but didn’t. When you are in the middle of a tough experience, it can be very hard to admit it and very hard to share it.
I’ll share soon enough, but am interested to know if any of you experienced it as well. The statistics say that 1 in 8 women experience postpartum depression at some level and nearly 70 percent of women experience the baby blues. That seems so high, yet I didn’t know of a single person who experienced either after Bodhi was born. Of course as soon as I started sharing my experience, I quickly learned that several people I know also experienced one or the other or both. Did any of you experience baby blues or postpartum depression? Please feel free to leave an anonymous comment if that’s easier for you.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. I suffered from PPD after my daughter was born. Thankfully it didn’t last long and was a mild case but still made my early motherhood less enjoyable. I look forward to hearing more about your experience and the resources you recommend. Thank you for bringing this issue to the forefront.
I’m so glad you are pretty willing to talk about your experience as well. I’m lucky to have you in my corner and my circle of friends. Love you!
I didn’t but my 2nd pregnancy was way more emotional and “sad” than my first. I’m not sure why but I didn’t feel like myself and I wondered if it was a tiny taste of what ppd felt like. I have mental health issues in my family so I worried about it. For the same reason, I appreciate your honesty and courage with discussing this issue!
Thank so much for commenting Tiffany! Sometimes I wish I would’ve been a bit worried about the possibility, but it never crossed my mind. I was so focused on the cute little sleepers, shoes, hats, organizing his closet, tiny diapers and designing our nursery that the idea of not being incredibly joy-filled never once crossed my mind during pregnancy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I am not sure how you know where the line crosses between baby blues and PPD. I certainly know I was on the spectrum. There were a lot of factors at play… a difficult birth ending in Emergency C-section, it was Christmas and there were WAY too many people around, I felt like the drugs made me totally not myself, for weeeeeks and breastfeeding was the most painful and challenging experience for me! But the thing I remember the most was that about 4 months later, I felt like I emerged from dark clouds. All of the sudden, I didn’t feel a cloying need to cry and think constant sad thoughts. I guess it was then that I realized that I actually had been dealing with baby blues or PPD.
I really appreciate you speaking about it… It’s so important that other normally vivacious and happy women realize that they are NORMAL if this happens to them. At the time, I felt like I was a bad mom for not feeling all zen and blissful. What made it harder was I had so many friends having babies at the same time and almost all of them seemed to handle it better than I did. I felt really alone and pretty embarrassed.
I did a lot of reading after I came out of the dark clouds…and realized that I wasn’t alone. I just wish I had realized what I was going through and had sought out support then.
Bravo for talking about it Jess…it’s nothing that we should be embarrassed about, we do get through it and are better for it, I think.
At least I am more prepared and educated for my next pregnancy…whenever that ends up being!
Jaymi-the way you describe your first four months sounds all to familiar for me and I’m so so sorry to hear you went through it as well. I had a very very similar experience. As for the difference between the two, my midwife (and some leading postpartum depression experts) said that after about 10 or 12 days it is no longer considered baby blues. The baby blues come from the drop in pregnancy hormones and once those hormones level off, most people begin to feel like themselves again. Those of us who continue to experience intense sadness, crying and so many other symptoms are typically diagnosed with (or not diagnosed) Postpartum Depression. As for a second pregnancy, I am interviewing someone on ways to come up with a plan for a second one, so I’ll be sure to share that with you. It may give you a bit of relief to know you could come up with a plan with certain plans for help as needed. Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience here. I know that can be really hard.
too, not to. :)
Thanks for sharing your experience! I also suffered from some ppd after our daughter was born and found out it was actually a Vitamin D deficiency although I never would have guessed that myself. I wrote about my experience here: http://www.comeabide.com/2013/03/on-other-side.html
I’m always amazed at how sharing our own experiences can benefit others and give them hope as well:)
Hi Andrea, Thank you so much for stopping by today. I just read your post. It was beautiful, even though it is still sometimes hard for me to read other people’s stories when they include some of those hard postpartum feelings. Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate it!
Thank you for being willing to talk about your experience. Those first weeks and months can feel so isolating. It is so important to know that PPD happens to many many women (myself included), and that you should reach out for help if you need it.
I have not had children yet so I don’t know if I will experience PPD or not. It is frightening to think that I may be more susceptible to it when I do have children because there is a long history of depression and anxiety in my family. I am so happy that you are starting to share your experience Jes! It saddens me to think that people are afraid/embarrassed to talk about their experiences for fear of judgment or ridicule. I work with individuals that have been diagnosed with mental illness-they face judgment everyday of their lives. It’s disheartening that society gives ppd and other illnesses a negative stigma. I hope that with more conversation about this topic, the more people will realize that nothing really separates either one of us from this particular experience….at any given moment we could be suffering from ppd/depression, etc. One day there will be less stigma giving more people the courage to speak up about their experience. I look forward to hearing more about your story Jes!
I deal with a mood disorder apart from PPD, but I can tell that while I’m pregnant and for months after delivery, I am just not quite myself. I’m not able to fully use the coping mechanisms I do the rest of the time, or they backfire because of hormonal differences. I struggle with how to explain it to people so that they don’t jump to conclusions about quick fixes or “just waiting it out.” A lot of times it seems to me that PPD gets brushed off as something temporary, something that resolves suddenly and shouldn’t be worried about. But, as so many brave women have worked HARD to explain, it steals joy from what society thinks is the best time of a woman’s life. It leaves scars! For me, it can be TERRIFYING, and is definitely frustrating and exhausting. I feel like people get tired of hearing me talk about it, but I’m trying to help them understand that I AM NOT TRYING TO BE PERFECT, I’m trying to get off the couch. A lot of times, people who haven’t been through something like this try to give advice and it is highly offensive. I’m so proud of you for opening dialogue about this. YOU WILL HELP OTHER WOMEN BY SHARING YOUR STORY. Thank you!!