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Things I'm failing at as a mother

Happy Monday! What better way to start a new week than share all of my failings as a mother and a person. ;) No, seriously, these are things I’m failing at, but have completely accepted during this season of our lives. I thought I’d share so that I can remember but also just in case someone out there can relate. And don’t worry. I’m not down on myself or sad about any of this. No need to leave encouraging comments (although “me too” comments are always appreciated). Here goes. 

EIGHT things I’m failing at since having baby number two

1. Laundry.

This is my biggest failure. I will never catch up. I really won’t and that’s life. Oh well. The only chance I have to catch up is when my grandma visits and does ALL 26 plus loads of our laundry. A friend from high school once said that her laundry somehow doubled with the addition of just one more human and I don’t know how, but it’s completely true. Mating baby socks, folding and putting away are the worst part of it all, but overall, it all just stinks. I’ve tried a load or two a day, doing it all on one day and more. It doesn’t work. I love the smell of clean laundry and I love organized closets. We just don’t get to enjoy the latter right now. Hopefully this is just a season and if not, I think I can accept it. Maybe.

2. Meal planning. 

We were good at it for about one week. Now I just can’t squeeze it in. Or don’t. Either way, we’re always scrambling at dinner time and it happens to be when Ezra is the most clingy and crabby. No fun.

3. Calling people back.

When I have to choose between doing laundry, cooking a meal, tidying up my mess of a house, playing with my children or calling someone back, I choose anything but calling someone back. I don’t love this about myself, but it’s where I am. Priorities. I used to have time alone in the car dropping Bodhi off and picking him up from preschool, so phone calls were no problem, but now I have baby screams-a-lot in the backseat. He’s a carseat hater and so my phone time is nonexistent.

4. Texting people back.

OK, this related to the above. When Ezra was nursing around the clock those first weeks, I was a phenomenal communicator, but now he nurses for 10 minutes or less each time, is super distracted and I like to just focus on my growing baby. So, if I don’t text you back right away, the odds are that I probably forgot and will realize it the next time I think of something to tell you. I’ll then go in to text you and I’ll realize I was a complete jerk and never got back to you. I’m sorry. Really. I am. My brain is mush. It just is.

5. Facebook messaging people back. 

I don’t like Facebook messages at all. This is another one where if I don’t get to it right away, I probably won’t get to it. Do you see a pattern here? I’m struggling to communicate with the outside world.

6. Grocery shopping. 

Like meal planning, I’m just in a rut. I tend to wing it which leaves us with random junk at dinner time. This needs to change, but for now, I’m ok with it.

7. Decluttering. 

I was a decluttering genius before Ezra was born. We had systems for most everything, especially toys. Now, bins and bins of messes and toys that never get touched. Oh toy boxes-don’t you get too excited. I’m coming for you. Someday. When I have time.

8. Remembering things we chatted about. 

I’ve had more than a handful of situations this past week when someone asked me about something that apparently, we had chatted about before. Yet I truly couldn’t remember and had no idea what these people were talking about. Even now as I write this, I wonder if I have lost my mind. Some of them are so detailed, but as the person asks me about it, I can’t get even a trace of a memory about these conversations. Nothing. Nada! This must be “mama brain” that I hear so much about.

Things I'm failing at and things I'm rocking

FOUR things I used to fail at but just recently started rocking!

Doesn’t this photo above by my friend Gina (Gina Lang Photography) just scream success?

This is what’s great about life. Things are always changing. A month or two ago, I was failing at the following too, so that list above would’ve been even longer. But now I’m doing well at these things. Oh what fun!

1. Planning play dates. 

With a new baby’s wild schedule or lack thereof, I just avoided doing anything with anyone other than a very small group of women who also had a 3-year-old and a baby (so basically that’s you Kari K. and Stacy!). ;) But, I just realized that my new baby is a total excuse for having people over and not worrying about the mess. The other day I invited two of my very long-time best friends over just a few days before the play date and I didn’t worry about my house. I’m totally back in the play-date game! Bring it on.

2. Planning time with friends. 

No joke, I have been out with female friends more in the past two months than I was the year and a half before. I don’t know what it is. My husband and I both feel pretty confident with both kids at bedtime now, so I think that helps. We are both getting time out which makes it pretty guilt-free, so that helps. But also, we are both just making the effort to schedule things with friends. My best friend and I were terrible at getting together without kids the past two-three years but I’ve seen her kid-free twice in the past month or so. Life is pretty darn good! Yes, I’m exclusively breastfeeding so the time I get to go out is brief, but it’s still totally worth it. I’m looking forward to lots more nights out soon because I’m smart enough to actually schedule them. It’s fun to have something to look forward to as well.

3. Planning date nights. 

Our main “babysitters” are my husband’s parents, but they are out of the country. I am so lucky that I’m super close with some of my aunts and uncles. One of my aunts watched the boys two weekends ago and it was a smashing success! Ezra even woke up but she had it completely under control. I now feel like we have enough people who can handle the boys that we can really go out from time to time. It’s so nice!

4. Letting things go. 

I’m talking about things people say and do and messes in my house. I have no time or energy for being upset about unintentional rudeness. I hang out with very good people and if any of them are rude, I can guarantee it’s not intentional. That realization has been awesome for me. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it might sting for a minute or two, but seriously, if you surround yourself with great people, rudeness will be accidental not intentional. OK, but also, I am trying to let go of household messes. If I can’t clean it up in 5-10 minutes, it probably isn’t happening unless I use TV to distract Bodhi and Ezra is napping. Both of these things are rare, so I’m probably not getting to it until bedtime or even the weekend (or possibly ever).

Failing and Succeeding after baby #2

OK, what are you failing at? Succeeding at? Isn’t this fun? It’s pretty freeing to get it out there.

Photos by Melissa Oholendt Photography (first and third) and Gina Lang Photography (middle)

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