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Happy Monday! What better way to start a new week than share all of my failings as a mother and a person. ;) No, seriously, these are things I’m failing at, but have completely accepted during this season of our lives. I thought I’d share so that I can remember but also just in case someone out there can relate. And don’t worry. I’m not down on myself or sad about any of this. No need to leave encouraging comments (although “me too” comments are always appreciated). Here goes.
EIGHT things I’m failing at since having baby number two
1. Laundry.
This is my biggest failure. I will never catch up. I really won’t and that’s life. Oh well. The only chance I have to catch up is when my grandma visits and does ALL 26 plus loads of our laundry. A friend from high school once said that her laundry somehow doubled with the addition of just one more human and I don’t know how, but it’s completely true. Mating baby socks, folding and putting away are the worst part of it all, but overall, it all just stinks. I’ve tried a load or two a day, doing it all on one day and more. It doesn’t work. I love the smell of clean laundry and I love organized closets. We just don’t get to enjoy the latter right now. Hopefully this is just a season and if not, I think I can accept it. Maybe.
2. Meal planning.
We were good at it for about one week. Now I just can’t squeeze it in. Or don’t. Either way, we’re always scrambling at dinner time and it happens to be when Ezra is the most clingy and crabby. No fun.
3. Calling people back.
When I have to choose between doing laundry, cooking a meal, tidying up my mess of a house, playing with my children or calling someone back, I choose anything but calling someone back. I don’t love this about myself, but it’s where I am. Priorities. I used to have time alone in the car dropping Bodhi off and picking him up from preschool, so phone calls were no problem, but now I have baby screams-a-lot in the backseat. He’s a carseat hater and so my phone time is nonexistent.
4. Texting people back.
OK, this related to the above. When Ezra was nursing around the clock those first weeks, I was a phenomenal communicator, but now he nurses for 10 minutes or less each time, is super distracted and I like to just focus on my growing baby. So, if I don’t text you back right away, the odds are that I probably forgot and will realize it the next time I think of something to tell you. I’ll then go in to text you and I’ll realize I was a complete jerk and never got back to you. I’m sorry. Really. I am. My brain is mush. It just is.
5. Facebook messaging people back.
I don’t like Facebook messages at all. This is another one where if I don’t get to it right away, I probably won’t get to it. Do you see a pattern here? I’m struggling to communicate with the outside world.
6. Grocery shopping.
Like meal planning, I’m just in a rut. I tend to wing it which leaves us with random junk at dinner time. This needs to change, but for now, I’m ok with it.
7. Decluttering.
I was a decluttering genius before Ezra was born. We had systems for most everything, especially toys. Now, bins and bins of messes and toys that never get touched. Oh toy boxes-don’t you get too excited. I’m coming for you. Someday. When I have time.
8. Remembering things we chatted about.
I’ve had more than a handful of situations this past week when someone asked me about something that apparently, we had chatted about before. Yet I truly couldn’t remember and had no idea what these people were talking about. Even now as I write this, I wonder if I have lost my mind. Some of them are so detailed, but as the person asks me about it, I can’t get even a trace of a memory about these conversations. Nothing. Nada! This must be “mama brain” that I hear so much about.
FOUR things I used to fail at but just recently started rocking!
Doesn’t this photo above by my friend Gina (Gina Lang Photography) just scream success?
This is what’s great about life. Things are always changing. A month or two ago, I was failing at the following too, so that list above would’ve been even longer. But now I’m doing well at these things. Oh what fun!
1. Planning play dates.
With a new baby’s wild schedule or lack thereof, I just avoided doing anything with anyone other than a very small group of women who also had a 3-year-old and a baby (so basically that’s you Kari K. and Stacy!). ;) But, I just realized that my new baby is a total excuse for having people over and not worrying about the mess. The other day I invited two of my very long-time best friends over just a few days before the play date and I didn’t worry about my house. I’m totally back in the play-date game! Bring it on.
2. Planning time with friends.
No joke, I have been out with female friends more in the past two months than I was the year and a half before. I don’t know what it is. My husband and I both feel pretty confident with both kids at bedtime now, so I think that helps. We are both getting time out which makes it pretty guilt-free, so that helps. But also, we are both just making the effort to schedule things with friends. My best friend and I were terrible at getting together without kids the past two-three years but I’ve seen her kid-free twice in the past month or so. Life is pretty darn good! Yes, I’m exclusively breastfeeding so the time I get to go out is brief, but it’s still totally worth it. I’m looking forward to lots more nights out soon because I’m smart enough to actually schedule them. It’s fun to have something to look forward to as well.
3. Planning date nights.
Our main “babysitters” are my husband’s parents, but they are out of the country. I am so lucky that I’m super close with some of my aunts and uncles. One of my aunts watched the boys two weekends ago and it was a smashing success! Ezra even woke up but she had it completely under control. I now feel like we have enough people who can handle the boys that we can really go out from time to time. It’s so nice!
4. Letting things go.
I’m talking about things people say and do and messes in my house. I have no time or energy for being upset about unintentional rudeness. I hang out with very good people and if any of them are rude, I can guarantee it’s not intentional. That realization has been awesome for me. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it might sting for a minute or two, but seriously, if you surround yourself with great people, rudeness will be accidental not intentional. OK, but also, I am trying to let go of household messes. If I can’t clean it up in 5-10 minutes, it probably isn’t happening unless I use TV to distract Bodhi and Ezra is napping. Both of these things are rare, so I’m probably not getting to it until bedtime or even the weekend (or possibly ever).
OK, what are you failing at? Succeeding at? Isn’t this fun? It’s pretty freeing to get it out there.
Photos by Melissa Oholendt Photography (first and third) and Gina Lang Photography (middle)
i love the transparency of this!! I agree completely. I have gotten better at grocery shopping and meal planning but only becaus I’m not working full time outside the house any more. Sounds to me like you have your priorities perfectly aligned.
Thanks for your comment on this. But please! Share your secret. I can’t figure out how to meal plan well. I get bored with the same foods, but yet without a plan, we end up with the same things over and over again. I need help!
Hi! New reader here :) Have you looked at emeals? (http://emeals.com/) We were in SUCH a rut with groceries/meal planning too, and this totally got us out of it. We usually pick 3-4 recipes from each week and then just make bigger batches of each and have leftovers some nights, with 1-2 nights each week for ordering a pizza or making something quick out of staples we have on hand. It worked really well for us – hope it might be helpful for you too!
I love this! I don’t know why but it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Laundry is probably the fail I relate the most (though I could add numerous fails not mentioned and can relate to all!). I think the general message is: be kind to ourselves. You’ve encouraged me with that exact phrase. I’d never walk into someone’s messy house and say “wow you’re a failure!” So why do I say it to myself?!
Yes, agree that it really is about being kind to ourselves. I mean, come on, we can’t be good at everything and there are things I care a lot more about than laundry. ;) But I do sort of enjoy just saying “Wow, I’m totally failing at these things.” It’s oddly comforting too.
I’m failing at almost all of these things too, and I have ZERO kids! Meal planning and grocery shopping are my worst offenders, though. I do well for one week and feel really great about it, and then the next two weeks it’s frozen pizza and mac & cheese every night. I can’t seem to get into a routine!
You’re giving me hope, though, that you’ve become a rockstar at some of the things you felt you were failing at…fingers crossed I can do that too!
I think I am similar. I have a good week (or a few good days) and then back to the basics. It’s ok. Someday we’ll eat healthier. ;)
I think you’re great at texting back! I had a bad weekend, feeling like I was a failure, so this post makes me feel better. =) Laundry sucks- does it help at all that you have it on the 2nd level?
It should help, but it doesn’t at all. It ends up just making me feel worse about getting up there. I can’t do it when Ezra is sleeping so that makes it harder.
Oh Boy do I remember those days… What I ended up doing is getting up either at 2am while everyone was sleeping & cleaning house or trying to do it at night but that never worked… I did hire a cleaning lady to come in just for a couple hours a week to help with the things I didn’t get to. I would throw a load of laundry in in the morning & put it in the dryer at supper time, fold & put away at bedtime… really when my kids were little you could eat off of my floors…then Hockey came along…. I wouldn’t trade any moment of that but oh ya my house was a mess…kids not so good at helping unless they were in trouble & wanted to go somewhere.. then my house was spotless.. because no one left until it was.. best idea every… don’t bother grounding they will only torcher you..make them work… it did do wonders for my kids…LOL
“Rudeness is accidental, not intentional.” What an awesome mindset.
And wow. I had never heard of mama brain. Crazy!
Seems to me like the things you’re rocking are the important ones. Great read – even for a single dude with no kiddos yet ( :
Giiiiiiirl, you NAILED it! I have a now 4 year old, who was 3.5 when I had my second son back in July. I really feel you on this and we may actually be living parallel lives. All I can say is that it gets easy (maybe, a little…), but there is always something. Being the way I am (type A and a crazy planner), the one thing I have already learned from having 2 amazing boys, is that I just need to let go sometimes….and sometimes means most time. You can do it, and it doesn’t matter about all the other little things.
I’m also not sure how you lucked out with double the laundry, because I have at least 4 times the amount as I had prior to baby #2… :-) I am sharing this on my FB page