Published
Happy Friday! Ezra Jude is SEVEN months old today. How is that possible?
I’m wrapping up this week (filled with a sick baby, a coughing big boy, cloudy grey skies, lots of coffee, conversations with good friends and dreaming of spring) with my second Coffee Date. Before I share the topics, I have to say that I have Spring Fever already. We had some “warm” days in Minnesota these past two weeks (and by warm, I mean 30’s) and it seriously smelled like spring outside. Simple pleasures, friends.
Today’s topics: Encouragement and energy. What does this mean? I’m going to touch on the Sisterhood of Mothers sometimes referred to as “mommy wars” video that is going around, life with two kids and a few tips for gaining a bit more energy in a healthy natural way. Grab a cup of coffee and let’s chat.
Sisterhood of Motherhood
First up, have you seen this video? It’s bringing out the best and worst in people. I’ve seen so man wonderful comments about encouraging others, not judging etc… but I’ve also seen a lot of negative comments and people getting on the defensive about every little detail.
Is it possible that we simply take ourselves and our beliefs and values too seriously? I breastfeed exclusively right now and I would add that it’s not really by choice. Ezra refused the bottle 15 or more times and still does. He thinks it’s a teething toy and has no idea how to suck out of it. But breastfeeding absolutely does NOT define me as a mother. It’s a part of how I nurture my baby. But it is not me. I work part-time from home. I baby wear so I can get more done. I also push a stroller sometimes. I cosleep sometimes (although we’re almost done!) and my baby sleeps in the crib sometimes. I am very patient some days. I’m very impatient and even rude to my children some days. I’m working on it.
But none of these things I do define me. Can we get over defining ourselves by the things we do as parents and start seeing ourselves as complex beings who change daily, weekly, monthly and who are simply trying to do our best for ourselves and our children?
I’m lucky to be surrounded by women who parent in very different ways and yet we all really accept each other. And encourage each other. And cheer each other on. We don’t have to be the same to be in this together.
Life with two kids
I’m planning to go into depth about my transition to two children eventually, but I recently saw two articles making the rounds about two mothers’ experiences. One mother had the perfect, joy-filled beautiful transition into motherhood when her daughter was born. Before Ezra, I would’ve read this and cried and felt like I wasn’t mother enough. Whatever that means. My experience transitioning to motherhood was not like this. It was filled with tears, doubt, guilt, depression and more. But my second time around was SO similar to her experience that I get it. I really do finally.
With that being said, this second article really covers all postpartum experiences so well. Even with Ezra, a fairly chill, happy baby who was on somewhat of a schedule fairly easily and who was happy to go with the flow, I had days where I doubted everything. I had moments when I couldn’t stop sobbing (particularly day five postpartum, which I now know is the peak of the baby blues due to hormone drops—who knew?). And I had SO many times when I felt relieved that it was SO much easier than I was expecting and joy-filled. Instead of surviving like my postpartum plan said I would, I was actually thriving. Truly.
You see, postpartum experiences differ from person to person, but they also vary within one person. Again, we are complex individuals and nothing will be the same from moment to moment or day to day. Some days are hard. Some moments are amazing.
After Bodhi, I vowed to be much more honest about my experiences as a mom with my friends and others, so no one had to feel as alone and horrible as I did during my maternity leave and beyond. Maybe it made me look negative. Maybe those people who have those easy fabulous babies thought I was ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter. It was my experience and if I had that experience, I can guarantee that other mamas out there had hard times too. They would not feel alone in it again.
Natural energy
I’ve been feeling really low energy lately. I blame the cloudy grey skies, the lack of sleep and the holiday sugar binging. Having low energy with two kids is really hard. It makes daily interactions less joy-filled and more blah. A few weeks ago, I researched some natural ways to add a little spring to my step. In no particular order, here are five changes I’ve made that have given me a bit more energy.
1. A tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar daily. Feel free to google it. I’m no expert, but a friend recommended it to fight colds and it’s helped me do that plus get a little energy.
2. Green juice. Admittedly, I’ve splurged on the fresh green juice from Whole Foods a few times in the past two weeks as we wait for a new appliance to arrive, but I will say that when I reach for green juice at 3 p.m. (my lowest energy point of the day) instead of a latte (my guilty pleasure all of December), I feel SO much better. Maybe it’s the placebo effect. Or maybe not, but it has made a huge difference.
3. Exercise. I know. I know. Everyone says this one. But it really does help. A quick walk around the block, running up and down the stairs with the baby in the Ergo, a baby wearing workout video (they actually exist!) or a jog on the treadmill will do the trick.
4. A big glass of water. Before grabbing another cup of coffee, I’ve been forcing myself to drink a big glass of water. It seems to help a bit.
5. Music and Dance parties! Whenever I’m feeling really tired and both boys are around. I turn on music and dance! It works. Plus both of my boys belly laugh now so it’s worth the energy just for that.
How are you doing today? How is your heart? Sending love, positive energy and joy your way. Have a lovely weekend! Now seriously, please tell me how you’re doing. What’s on your mind? The only way this works is if you share as well.
XOXO, Jessica
Photos by Melissa Oholendt Photography.
Very interesting post! Thank you so much for sharing it with us! You are amazing! I love you! XOXO
Thanks mama!
Love your pictures on this post!!! Those plates are super adorable!
Thanks lady! It’s Melissa Oholendt and her mad skills. I did the styling with some clearance Anthropologie plates though. ;)
Beautiful post!
Thank you friend! You are always one of those encouragers I am just SO grateful for.
Hi!
Such a great post…my little lady turned 8 months yesterday and I also chase after my extremely spirited 3 year old boy most days. You’re post totally rang true in my life right now! I Love your honest encouragement. And double high five on the water before coffee (I’m desperately trying to institute that practice in my own life…but those darn lattes are just so yummy, especially at 3!)
Our littles are so close in age! Thank you for stopping by today. Yes, the lattes are SO good. It’s hard to say no and by the way, I don’t say no every day. Just most days. Gotta enjoy them sometimes. I really appreciate your comment. Have a great weekend with your little loves!
Hate the “mommy wars” love your post. Thanks for sharing.
Thankful for friends like you who may do things differently than me, but who continue to bring positive energy to my life. LOVE YOU!
Great post and advice I’ll be using soon I’m sure. Beautiful photos, too! xo
Very excited for you, lady!
I love this post. I love your honesty about parenting. I think if more people were honest people would go back to talking about how hard parenting can be at times, instead of pretending their lives are perfect and then retreating into books that claim to have all the answers. I’m a firm believer that no one has all the answers for anyone but themselves! You can only look to others for support when you need it! We all need to do what works for us and for our families, sometimes that means making different choices when the situation calls for it. What works for one family may not work for another, but as long as it works for you, that’s all that matters. The key is not to impose your opinions on what works at your home on to others! Support one another, and be open to that fact that there are many ways to raise happy and healthy children. Jess, you’re an awesome momma, period!
So true Jessica !! I hate when people judge you as a mom and make comparisons !! There is no right or wrong and I feel you always try to do your best in any circumstances!! I m having hard time convincing Vivaan after second baby that mommy still loves him !! After he comes home from school he does not leave me alone !! And wants mommy only for everything !! He still cosleeps and at nights if I get up to feed baby he gets angry n starts crying :( !!!! Right now I can not even think off putting him in his toddler bed.
Your posts and thoughts are inspirational !!
What a beautiful message in an honestly beautiful way (pun intended, wink). I love having these types of conversations with my friends (including, YOU) that allow for both perspectives and positivity. Amongst the beauty, parenthood is a work in progress and challenge, indeed. It’s crazy to find out how much you relate to others with a little openness! I love being able to vent, share experiences and encouragement with other mamas. It totally sings to my heart. So, thank you for your lovely tune today, beautifully mama! xoxo
Wonderful post! Thank you for the encouragement to forgive ourselves when we aren’t the moms we want to be sometimes, and focus on the positive. Also, bring honest can be difficult. I, too, had a hard time after my daughter was born and I didn’t want to admit that I could be going through PPD. I see it as much less taboo now, thanks to awareness around it due to moms like you. Thank you.